Dear Dogs and Cats

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and...... dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
...
The stairway was no......t designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time,there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their fur on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't smoke or drink,
(7) don't want to wear your clothes,
(8) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

GARY SPEED

It's a very sad day today. Football has lost one of its most populr managers. Gary Speed was found dead at his home this morning. Apparently he has taken his own life.

The former Leeds United, Everton, Newcastle and Bolton footballer was appointed manager of Wales in December 2010 after retiring as a player in May last year.

My sympathies and condolences go to his family at this awful time.

Every year about this time.

You'll see him at the mall.

A man who is old and slightly bent,

Who once stood straight & tall.

And if you go you'll see him,

For he's there everyday.

Dressed in a Legion blazer,

With poppies in a tray.

Who is this ancient warrior,

Who sacrificed his youth?

So we all could live in freedom,

And all could know the truth.

How many times still in his youth,

Did this man go ...through hell?

How many times watched helplessly,

As his comrades around him fell?

A dollar, a coin or a pound,

It's a small price I pay,

As I take a poppy,

And start to walk away.

Thank you sir the old man say's.

With a voice that's strong and true,

And I turn and look in his eyes,

And say, No Sir... I thank you!

FLANDERS FIELDS

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

John McCrae, May 1915